The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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