you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
