Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
