Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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