masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
