did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
