For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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