Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
