I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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