Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
