My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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