If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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