im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
