In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
