all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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