Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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