Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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