I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
