"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
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bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
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Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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