Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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