I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
