After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
