he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
