I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Drunk is not a location!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
