True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
