I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
