if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
