i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
