weddingsv make me drug and hornr
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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