I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
