It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
