I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize