Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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