Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
