Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My balls are so social today.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
