Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
