Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
