I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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