Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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