I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
