Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
