I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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