No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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