I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
