and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
