Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
