we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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