im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
