video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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