We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
