I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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