I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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