I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
