I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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