I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
