when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
