She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
