Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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