I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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