I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
