I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
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False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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