i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
